So I dove into four critique groups, and only one panned out.

I went through a period in the last year where I desperately wanted a writing buddy.  More than anything.  I thought that having a supportive person to walk the wily road of publishing would help--maybe even be the secret weapon in my arsenal.  So I signed up for anything that I could find.  This was what my searching came up with:

1.  Critters.org, an online critique group that's super-organized.  You're supposed to critique a random post weekly.

Result?  I hung in there for about six weeks before I got tired of sending critiques into the ether.

2.  An online forum organized through an editor that matched people through their responses to a survey.

Result?  Ugh.  We each critiqued one piece of each other's writing before a new person joined and hijacked the group.  First the only guy in the group gave her a critique in which he equated her with God, and the rest has been a rash of icky, smushy messages between the two.  At one point she told us all that:  no offense to anyone else, but she really only wanted to read his book.  I haven't done a critique there since.

3.  A Skype group organized through an old writing contact.  We meet once weekly, sometimes critiquing something someone wrote, sometimes just catching up and chatting about books and life.

Result?  Surprisingly awesome.  For a while I wasn't sure--I had to suffer through a chick-lit novel (I thought it was awful until I read Bridget Jones Diary and realized that actually I mostly just hate chick-lit) and being the outsider (the rest had at least gone to school together and knew each other pretty well. I was just a cling-on).  But the ladies are awesome, and they give fantastic, insightful feedback.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.

4.  An in-person critique partner.  We met for exactly one in-person meeting.  I loved what the man wrote, and told him so (it had been critiqued by exactly one million people before me.  It was spotless.).

Result?  I haven't heard from him again.    Who knows--maybe I'd read all that he wanted to share.  Maybe my praise was too much and he thought I had nothing to offer.  Most likely my third head scared him away :-)

So there it is.  I entered the world of feedback wide-eyed and enthusiastic, and have emerged much wiser and jaded.  I've read so many blogs saying that the wrong critique group is toxic, and the right one is magic.  I think from my experience, I've learned that it's really hard in the beginning of any new group to know if it's a good fit.  I had a lot of doubts about my Skype group and the forum group, and time was really the only way to tell.  The forum group has petered out on its own, but the Skype group is still going strong.

If I had to go back and give myself a piece of advice, it would be this:  find people who make you a better writer and stick with them.  If their advice makes you say, "You're right, I totally need to fix that," then they're a keeper.  If they make you cringe and say, "Really?  You really think so?"--run.  Run far.  Because I know my writing.  I know it's not perfect and I know that there's a lot to improve.  I also know the direction I want it to go.  When someone in the forum spent paragraphs griping about the use of one word (while ignoring large plot holes), I knew there was a problem.

Even though I'm not writing as much as I'd like, having a weekly meeting to hold me accountable is awesome.  It helps me reach out to other strong writers, and I feel like I'm growing as a writer through our interactions.  I think at the end of the day, that's the most I can ask from any group of people.

Happy Valentine's Day Wishes

Valentine's Day Gift for My Husband

Happy Valentine's Day!  

I know that I'm supposed to hate this holiday at least a little bit.  It's constructed by Hallmark to boil romance down to one day a year and make people feel obligated to show each other how much they may or may not care, while simultaneously making single people around the country feel left out and abandoned.

And when put that way, there's not much to like.  But it's also a bright spot in the middle of February, which has always been a boring month for me (the appeal of winter and snow has worn off by this point).  And unless you're living in Louisiana and have Mardi Gras to look forward to, there's not much else going on until Spring Break.  

But those are just excuses.  I really like Valentine's Day because sometimes I forget.  I forget how amazing my husband is, how much I care about him and how lucky I am to be with him.  I forget about how much I enjoy spending time with him.  I forget to look for ways to surprise him and make him happy.  And Valentine's Day is a reminder.

Sometimes all it takes is a little tap on the shoulder to make me wake up and appreciate the people who are in my life.  I hope that, in spite of all of the crap that Valentine's Day sometimes dredges up, that today can be that for you, too.  So if you have someone, take a moment and just appreciate them, flaws and all.  And if you don't have a lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or friends with benefits, maybe take a look at the other people in your life and appreciate them, too.  I doubt it will make a difference to St. Valentine.

Falling in Love by Lisa Loeb

When I was in college, I house-sat for a woman who had a copy of a Lilith Fair CD.  I listened to that CD the whole summer, about the time that I was going through a painful break-up.  At the end of the summer, I went back to campus housing and reluctantly left the CD behind.  In a random collision of fate, I came into possession of the music once again.  I'd like to post a link to the song that I missed the most, and the lyrics that somehow made that break-up easier.  This one's for all the girls who wanted to be cowboys, and have found themselves wonderfully in love in that space between meeting and leaving.  May you someday find love that lasts.  The link is here, in case the video doesn't work.

Falling in Love

by Lisa Loeb

She wanted to be a cowboy

She was shootin' 'em down

She was tramping around.

He walked in crooked with the clear blue eyes.

"There's a nice pool at my motel you want to go for a swim?"

That night he moved in.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is

Sometimes called falling in love.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is

Sometimes called falling in love.

At night she'd wait for the sound of his feet on the doormat,

The sound of his hand on the doorknob,

The sound of her heart beating in her head.

He'd go out playing nickel slots, cause he knew he'd lose -

She didn't know, so she couldn't choose.

One night while sleeping along in her bed,

The phone rang, she woke up, and sat up and said,

"What time is it? What time is it?"

"Well, it's 5:30 here and it's 2:30 there,

And I won't be home tonight," he said.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is

Sometimes called falling in love.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is

Sometimes called falling in love.

Now she sits in a booth in a diner,

Waiting for someone to take her order,

Waiting for someone to come and sit down.

She rubs the smudge off the photograph, puts it back into her purse.

The grey sky was romatic cause he was holding her hand,

He was her man.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is

Sometimes called falling in love.

The time between meeting and finally leaving is

Sometimes calling falling in love.

Sometimes called falling in love.

She wanted to be a cowboy,

She was shootin' 'em down,

She was tramping around 

My Night Huntress Books Binge

Night Huntress Book Binge

Night Huntress Novels

I love, love, love reading, but I have a problem--once I start a series, I need to read them all.  Immediately.  Right now.  It's usually for the best if I don't discover a series until it's well underway, because otherwise I go through withdrawal while I wait for the next book to come out.  Sometimes waiting the year for the next book actually makes me lose interest in a series, because the immediacy of their world has faded.

I was initially skeptical of the Night Huntress series because I feel that any book that deals with vampires, ghouls, and--shudder--half-vampires, has the opportunity to fail.  Epically.  But instead of the cliche and trite, I discovered a kick-ass heroine and an explosive romance.  That's about all it takes for me to fall wildly in love with a book, and so I sat down and read the next four books in the series without really pausing for breath.

Ironically, Jeaniene Frost claims to have found her inspiration from a dream, much like Stephanie Myers dreamed up her infamous Edward and Bella of Twilight. Frost says, "In my dream, I saw a man and a woman arguing. Somehow I knew the woman was a half-vampire, the man was a full vampire, and they were arguing because he was angry that she'd left him."

What I want to know is: what god I need to pray to in order to have a vampire dream that leads to a multi-book publishing contract? Is there a special herb that these women are smoking before they sleep? Tylenol PM? Or is there a patron saint of vampires that will visit your dreams if you are a very, very good writer? Sigh.

Anyway, the series rocks. Kat Crawford knows how to throw knives, jump off buildings, and lure evil vampires in for the kill--she has earned her name as the "Red Reaper" for her death count and red hair. She is the only half-vampire in existence, and she works out some of her personal issues by slaying vampires who pose a threat to humanity. Bones is her lover and vampire mentor, and their chemistry has sparks literally flying off the pages. He has a special place in my heart, because with his peroxide-blonde hair, leather trenchcoat, and Cockney-British accent, he is Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer reincarnated. Together, they are one of the hottest couples I've read in literature. I recommend these books for anyone who's bored with Sookie Stackhouse or misses the early days of Anita Blake. Happy reading!

What I did on New Year's Day...

I was stuck on a mountain.  In Oregon.  My husband and I decided, in a stroke of brilliance, to take the last day of our journey down the Oregon coast to drive out to Bend, OR.  From Eugene to Bend, it was a harrowing journey over the mountains on New Year's Eve.  As native Midwesterners, neither of us knew what to do on snowy mountain roads.  In Illinois, if you go off the road, you land in a cornfield.  In Oregon, apparently, if you go off the road you fall off the mountain.  We white-knuckled it to Bend that night, woke up the next morning on Jan 1st, wandered around Bend like lost souls, and at 2pm headed back to our flight out of Portland.

It turns out that exactly everyone in Portland had decided to go into the mountains to ski for New Year's weekend, and needed to get back into Portland by Sunday night.  We spent hours on Mount Hood, surrounded by gorgeous redwoods, in bumper-to-bumper traffic.  The cars inched down the mountain at 3mph, and we barely made it into Portland in time to return the rental car and make it onto our midnight flight.  The bonus?  I managed to take some interesting pictures from the passenger seat...

The view from the passenger seat

Snow-kissed trees

Mount Hood

The Portland, Oregon sign, when we finally made it into the city

Over the holidays, we took a vacation to Oregon.

My lover and I are ready to relocate.  We want to settle down, start a family, but we're living in an area of the country that is both ultra-conservative and environmentally polluted--not exactly where we want to spend the rest of our lives.  In our discussions of the future it goes something like this:

Me or him:  "We could move back to Illinois."
We blink at each other as visions of blizzards and our crazy families swim in our minds.
Me:  "Let's not."
Him:  "Indonesia?"
I shudder.  "What about the Northwest?"
We blink at each other some more, because neither of us has been there.

In the hopes that we could settle the debate, we took our holiday break and went out the explore Oregon.  We didn't have many expectations, but we wanted to see if it was a place we could someday call home.  We decided to couchsurf, so that we could maximize our time there and meet Oregon residents who could give us the scoop on living in the Northwest.  We had a few amazing hosts, and a great experience.  The weather was cold and rainy (surprise!), but the people were fun, the foodcarts were plentiful, and Powell's books was, of course, my mecca.

We started in Portland.  The town was dolled up for the holidays, and there were too many things to explore in our short time there.  We made food a priority.  The street food was amazing--I was able to gorge on Thai food by walking up to a stand, paying $5, and walking away with a steaming dish.  We also hit up Voodoo donuts, which blew me away.  The line outside stretched down the street, for good reason.

Pad See Ew Gai--my absolute favorite Thai dish. 

Bacon Maple Donut from Voodoo Donuts.  The best donut of my life.

Downtown Portland lit up for the holidays.

 
After several days, we rented a car and drove up and down the coast.  The ocean made me feel both small and infinite.  I wish the pictures could do it justice.

A stop on the Oregon Coast

Close-up of the Pacific

We drove down the the Redwood Forests, where we saw the giant trees that once owned the coast.  Our camera refused to work in the woods, but I wanted more than anything to be able to remember the feeling of standing next to something so tall and so alive.

Redwood Forest

On the forest preserve, we also encountered a herd of elk.  This, too, was documented.

Real, live elk.

I'll post the conclusion to our adventure tomorrow.  We went on to explore both Bend and Eugene before the trip was over, and had a harrowing New Year's adventure.  All in all, I couldn't have loved the Northwest more.  Will we move?  Well, from all accounts, the economy in that region is hurting, so we might not be able to move in the near future, but it's on my list of places I would love to live.  Someday.

The Final Collage

The Framed 2012 Spiritual Growth Collage

I tracked down a frame and after much fiddling managed to pull it all together.  I'm glad the the collage is protected from wear and tear, and I'm glad I was able to include my favorite quote.

The Wise Words of Abraham Lincoln

I first read this quote on a bag of Goodearth tea.  I latched onto it, and rather than throw it away, I taped it to my computer.  When I got a new computer, I found another Goodearth tea bag with that quote, so I pasted it on that computer, too.  It seemed fitting that it should go on top of the collage.

This quote helped me through two of the roughest years of my life.  While the words didn't necessarily make things easier, they did help me push through several low points in my two years teaching in a high-poverty school.  When it seemed like everything was out of my control and the odds were impossibly stacked against me, I would square my shoulders and decide that none of that mattered--the only thing that mattered was my determination to make things work.  I have the suspicion that this quote will see me through much, much more before I'm tired of it.